Lord, Is it I?

August 10, 2015

Lord is it I? It was the topic of District meeting this week and I would love to share some of my insights as I have been studying it this week.

The Pharisees and the Scribes were always the ones pointing fingers, finding fault, it was the twelve who asked, “Lord is it I?” It was the twelve who forsook their nets, and became great fishers of men. I imagine they had much desire to be corrected, I imagine they understood the significance of trials; I imagine they understood the significance of change and I imagine they even understood the significance of agency. I imagine they had adopted the counsel once given to Daniel: Fear not, Daniel for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand and to chasten thyself before God, thy words were heard and I am come from thy words, God expects us to become like him. Let us pray we may fully understand the significance of becoming like our Father in Heaven. Our blindness to our potential makes us blind to our weaknesses or errors.

Something I feel that affects our attitude of “Lord is it I” is pride. Pride threatens our self reliance, when self reliance is threatened our freedoms are threatened. If freedom is threatened our ability to make changes is difficult. If we increase our independence on anything or anyone except the Lord we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act. Pride is when we increase our dependence on ourselves or on the opinion of others. When one is too trusting in the opinion of others one is content when he is praised by others and he has no desire or motivation to change or improve beyond the praise of others. One decreases his freedom to act when he is too trusting in himself because when the lord chastens us we see no need to improve because we believe we are already there thus decreasing our freedom to change and grow. One decreases his freedom to act when he is in competition with the Lord as he goes through trials his heart may be broken but he has no interest in changing his opinions to Gods and thus decreasing his ability to be “blessed” in times of tribulation or trial. One decreases his freedom to act as he becomes offended by correction, trusting in himself and his view instead of trying to change and grow thus decreasing his freedom to act.

Something also that affects our attitude of “Lord is it I?” is impatience. (Guilty times 10000) Understanding our potential can cause much frustration because we feel inadequate, I think to be able to truly have this meek introspection it requires much patience. The Lord counsels that in patience ye may possess your souls and shall have eternal life. If we don’t have this Christlike attribute of patience we will surely become angry or frustrated and anxious. We are bound to receive chastening through trials, tribulations and scriptures and if we become frustrated or angry we may hinder our personal growth. We may even receive chastening through others. Others may communicate harshly or constructively either way if we aren’t patient we will become angry or frustrated and take offense. And we begin to blame; we begin to say its their fault and we justify ourselves out of this repentant attitude.

All of us are somewhat ignorant of our mistakes. We trust in ourselves and our ideas and our thoughts maybe a little more than God. A man is saved no faster than he obtains knowledge (Joseph Smith). We must seek the Lord diligently and trust in him more. As we seek knowledge diligently, with a pure heart, we will receive much on where we can improve. Seeking knowledge also will give us the motivation to do more and be more.

To be able to take correction from others and the Lord. I feel charity with ourselves is vital. We must build on our strengths and see ourselves as who we may become. I don’t know the story exactly so if I quote it wrong forgive me, Eliza Doolittle “You see really and truly apart from the things anyone can pick up, the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves but how she is treated. I shall always be a flower girl to professor Higgins because he always treats me only as a flower girl, and always will but I know I can be a lady to you because you treat me as a lady and always will.” When we treat ourselves as only flower girls we will always be flower girls but if we see ourselves as ladies we will become ladies. If we treat ourselves as slothful, weak and useless servants we shall always be, but if we see ourselves as we may become then we will live up to that potential. Ironically our blindness to our weakness blinds us to our potential and the opposite is true our blindness to our potential blinds us to our weakness. Charity is a little deeper than merely accepting and loving everyone; it’s helping build yourself and others up.

I really feel as always, the biggest thing that we can do to adopt the practice of “Lord is it I?” is always going back to consecration. We must let our wills be swallowed up in the will of the fathers. The difference between honorable individuals and valiant ones is not what they have done but what they have left undone.

I feel blessed to have pondered this talk. I feel to adopt the practice of “Lord is it I?” We must see ourselves clearly. We must know the why of the Gospel. And the reason why is because we have the potential to become just like Him, and the joy attached to having our will swallowed up in the will of the Father’s is a unique experience I pray everyone has the chance to experience. I feel I have brushed up against the veil and have foretasted heaven as I repent. The joy I have felt is unique and something that is indescribable, the joy I have felt when my heart or soul has felt like Peter and I have denied Christ but have repented has been a unique experience that will never be taken away from me.

I love Neal A Maxwell; he is officially my new Brigham Young! I am obsessed with the way he writes, everything that I feel I have trouble explaining but I understand, he just puts it into words so that the Gospel is understandable. He is a talented writer. I really want to read everything he has ever written.

I also love this quote from C.S. Lewis: “Your real new self will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original where as if you simply tell the truth (without caring two pence how often it has been told before) You will 9 times out of 10 become original without ever noticing it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom, give up yourself and you will find yourself. Lose your life and you will save it. Look for yourself and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair rage ruin and decay. But look for Christ and you will find him.”

There’s a song commonly played haha -- Give me mountains to climb, give me rivers to climb give me something that is going to make me better. This life is the BEST. It’s so perfect. I love this life. I want to do life, I am ready for the trials and hardships, I love this life. I want to give and become who my Father in Heaven wants me to be. I want to suck the marrow out of life. I imagine in the pre-earth life, we all said prove me. I feel we had the enthusiasm of prove me I can do it. I don’t know. I love life I love everything and everyone. I just want to become who my Father in Heaven wants me to be. Everything comes at a cost. Every attribute I need to acquire comes at an expense and it might be painful, but I am ready and I am willing and I am ready to take up my cross not just frequently or once but everyday. I am willing to endure the subsequent erosion of an unbecoming ego. I am willing to have my heart broken so it can be rebuilt. Make me a new heart and a new spirit. I love this life. I will go and do and I will commence cheerfully. I love being a missionary. And I love the work of salvation for myself and for others. This life is so cool. I am just in awe at the beauty and the Master’s hand as he has refined me. I am so grateful for everything, I am so grateful for my testimony. I don’t know where I would be without it. I pity those who have never partaken of the joy of the Gospel and the joy of serving, I pity the selfish man. I love being a missionary. The best year and a half I have ever had.

Love you all!

Sister 

No power, no electricity, no stove...no problem! We have a charcoal stove.